Blog
The Saul Dilemma
11/17/2021 by Matt LewellynWe feel like we need someone out there to be closer to God than we are. Our sight is so dim (in our estimation), we want those who seem to see more brightly to describe to us what the light is really like.
In our quest to leave the fog by proxy, we hitch our wagons to the rising stars. And what do we generally look for? Success. Charisma. Toughness. Someone who does not feel the need to apologize for telling the truth.
Tale of Two Mirrors
11/6/2021 by Matt LewellynYou see a mirror in the corner of a room. From a distance, you can tell that the world is a little brighter in that mirror - the positive attributes of life are highlighted. You walk over to that mirror to get a closer look. Suddenly, life's purpose seems clearer, and the mirror practically glows with this energy of synergy with the universe.
Turning around, there's a mirror in the other corner of the room. That one looks... a little less kept. What do you see in that mirror? And honestly - which of the two mirrors are you drawn toward?
Who Needs Help?
11/2/2021 by Matt LewellynThe referees in our minds are constantly throwing flags at us and piling up the penalties. But we also have this other innate feeling that we ought to be competent at life. That we're adults, and we really should already know all the things. We feel like nobody should have to tell us how to relate, how to feel, how to exist.
Outline of Me
10/25/2021 by Matt LewellynEvery one of us, at some point in life, took out a hammer and chisel, and we etched an outline of how we thought and felt about ourselves. We engraved that list in our brains, of "I'm good at this, but I'm really bad at that."
That's how we like to interact with reality. But reality often has a different idea, and it throws a curveball.
Under the Microscope
10/9/2021 by Matt LewellynWe used that microscope and zoomed way in. Somewhere along the line, our eyes darted across the part of us that is relationship. And what we saw there... Well, it's horrifying.
We wondered why we weren't hearing God's voice clearly. We wondered why the joy just wasn't there most of the time. We wondered why, despite our best efforts, we felt like second-class Christians. And now we knew.
Mind the Gap
10/2/2021 by Matt LewellynHow do we bring the “liking gap” to God? Well, it's very easy to submit to confirmation bias in our self-talk. The path of least resistance for those who feel less-than is to function as if God, as glorious as he is, does not have the time of day for us. That his longsuffering allows him to tolerate us, but the material of the relationship between us can never be more than that.
[Un]happy
9/24/2021 by Matt LewellynWe were most satisfied when people said things that should make us unhappy. We can fool ourselves into thinking it's a good thing because we're also mercilessly tearing ourselves down. Pain for a moment, but it's for the greater good, right? Right?
Well, no. It isn't.
Empathy: Vice? Virtue?
9/19/2021 by Matt LewellynWe have those who would tell us what we should and should not feel, and how we ought to viscerally react. This goes beyond regulation of action and word.
Such teaching reaches into the core of our being and either makes us glad we passed the test, or shames us horribly for the basic ways we interact with the world.
A Fundamental Disconnect
9/12/2021 by Matt LewellynPeople who have grown up in evangelicalism have recognized that there are ways and means and manners in the subjective life of evangelical Christendom that are antithetical to the very gospel it espouses.
Moment of truth for the church: how do we react? The strongest voices within the camp are content to say these are marginal experiences. I.e. smile and wave, move along, nothing to see here. Does that seem right to you?
Who Do You Think I Am?
9/7/2021 by Matt LewellynIf we're honest, we're happy to mimic the best, because we think we don't have enough energy/knowledge/motivation in the tank to be the best. We know this, because we've learned that real activity leads to real exhaustion. I know that what I make, what I teach, and how I interact will be objects of my inner critic, and therefore lead to a soul-centered exhaustion that can last for days on end.