We all have our particular breaking points, don't we? You know - that place in life where we feel like we've screwed up one too many times. That corner of our world where we feel like we don't have the tools to go on doing the things we have to, to carry on with life as we know it.

Those are places in our psyche that we know aren't balanced - they're not centered. The voices we hear there are overly negative, and it's difficult to give ourselves permission to listen to other, more positive voices in return. We may rationally know this. But when we try to get up and walk back to more stable areas, our legs feel like weights.

That's when we feel alone. We see life going on at a faster pace around us, while we get caught in what seems like a time warp. We hate feeling like we are just one screw-up away from being ditched. That's not all - we hate the feeling that we haven't earned our place and keep.

But we're not alone, in point of fact. There are times like this for most of us. For some of us, we can fairly assess that what we've described here is the norm, not the exception.

Let's take a sharp left turn here. In the evangelical world, if there's one class of people we've assumed is immune from all of this, it's the clergy. We've had entire generations of Christians learn from a young age that if they have problems, they can go to the minister, who should have an answer. And I've seen this in action countless times, that the pastor gets asked any question. Queried for any circumstance. Presented with every conceivable dilemma.

That is all well and good - God's minister should be open to such queries. But what lies underneath is the expectation that the minister not only have ready answers (intellect) but also have well-trained attitude and response (emotions and will). There is a pressure there. Depending on the make-up of the minister's psyche, that pressure will either be in balance with general countenance, or it will shove a pastor to a darker, more foggy path.

All of this highlights that training is important for ministry. We need to be teaching our ministers-in-training that they do need to continue studying more subjects, considering new ideas, and reading/interacting with fresh perspectives. But more than that - we need also to teach clearly and firmly that there is no shortcut to godliness. We cannot pack a ton of reading and writing into a few years time and expect those who survive it to be trained and ready for ministry. There must be a development of continued humility.

We go against that essential humility, though, when we place our "already" expectations on our "not yet" ministers. You see, pastors have breaking points, just like the rest of us. While under the pressure we put on them to know the answers and respond with right feeling and attitude, they also must be profound in oral communication on a weekly basis. They must also be charismatic enough to move a church forward, while also being tactful enough not to move too quickly. They must also be adept at counseling each of the varied personality types. And so it goes.

When pastors struggle spiritually or emotionally (or a combination of those), where do they go? How do they go on? When their legs feel like weights while life moves very fast around them, where is their relief? In a time of life when they feel like no one should listen to them, how do they continue in a job where their single task is to have people listen to them?

Or let's put it this way: in the previous post, we had a parable of pastors who needed to step away from their ministerial positions for a time, in order to deal with particular failings, vices, or concerns. They failed to pay heed to the Shepherd, or they acted in ways that directly harmed or endangered the sheep. Whether they returned to the ministry depended in large part on the nature and severity of the problem. Here, we're talking specifically of those who are following God with a genuine heart but have encountered weakness.

Either way, though, the hope is that pastors will have that continuing humility that will make them amenable to stepping away from the ministry when the need arises. After all, ministry is a privilege, not a right, and there are potentially severe eternal implications for continuing in a ministry in spite of the need to step away. 

The problem is, in our evangelical world, we have built a system in which the cost of that stepping away far outweighs the benefit. Most churches do not take the proactive step of laying out the steps for dealing with that kind of situation. If pastor needs to step away for a while, who fills in? Sadly, some worldly concerns figure into it - pastor may be the main reason people sit in the pew and give to the offering. Social concerns: perhaps a certain sector of the congregation has been aiming to get rid of the pastor for a while, and would see this as the golden opportunity to do so.

From the pastor's side of it, a staggering number of unknowns drive the thought process. For those in a parsonage, will they be allowed to remain? For how long? Most pastors cannot afford the cost of counseling sessions. If they do need to move, there are considerations for family: children, schooling, etc. For pastors already walking in the fog of anxiety, doubt, or depression, trying to think through these things clearly can seem an impossible task.

The core question in all of this is, what grace will we extend to those in the margins of psychospiritual health? Are we willing to think through how we will care for souls in the fog, whether they be in the pew or the pulpit?

Keeping the status quo would be easy, wouldn't it? Just have these struggling ministers step aside, have them find a new path to provide for their families, and move on. Or, reduce them to actors, have them press through and discharge their duties and speak of the joy of the Lord even when they aren't feeling it.

These souls are in the mind of their savior. We should follow his example: he moved heaven and earth to demonstrate complete incarnational love, by meeting us in our journeys.

I think he would have us be able to be honest about our weaknesses. He would have us change the structures and programs to care for these souls and minister even to the ministers.

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