The Anxiety of Mission

"Follow the example of Jesus!" The preacher expounds, "He set aside his heavenly glory to die for our sins - how much more we owe! We ought to live our lives completely in his service and lay them down each day!"

And we try, pricked as we are by the Spirit. But there are two ways to go about it. Of course, we want to serve from the overflow, don't we? But many, many people up and down the hierarchy of the church order are stuck in the other way: doing our best from the empty.

It's difficult to come to a place where you can admit to yourself that you are there. It can be even harder to change it.

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We are the Ignorant and Misguided

We hear so much truth among the intrusive thoughts impinging on our consciousness, that we expect the presence of God, where truth implicitly dwells, to be full of the same. We can have this picture of our high priest Jesus talking smack about us with God the Father all the time. We expect the most holy over the universe to match our own inner critics. And when we allow those thoughts to be the voice of our perception of God, we turn ourselves over to that reality.

In Hebrews, God says something we probably didn't see coming: the high priest can deal gently with the ignorant and misguided. But we don't want to be in that category, do we? Instead, we want to be the ones who figured it out quickly and who did it the right way the first time. We want to be those who achieved efficiency in a walk with God. No - we are the ignorant and misguided - and we have to lean into that reality to experience the gentleness of our savior.

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Probing the Edge

One part of us is subjected to Christ completely. The rest, not so much. So there are parts of us that seem to have the light of Christ, and other parts that are just dark as night. Some of us are drawn toward probing that edge between.

But what we tear at in the darkness often looks like the same anxiety, the same depression... Things that are not our fault. It doesn't feel right. And it can be the greatest test of our faith.

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Unwanted Reality

I'm sitting in the kitchen again, holding the child who won't stop kicking and screaming. Closer to teen than toddler, my child left rational thought behind a while ago. A switch flipped, and here we are. Here we've been, really - many times over many months.

When we deal with extreme behaviors, we are often (rightly) so focused on the parenting of it and the child's experience, we don't deal with our own story in those moments. When it becomes a more pronounced point in our story, though, we must take the opportunity to reflect.

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Conversations

Who wins the shouting matches that go on inside your head?

We spend our lives cultivating coping mechanisms to survive the war between the flesh and the Spirit. When we've spent a lifetime learning one way of doing spirituality - let alone mental wellness - imagining another approach becomes almost impossible.

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Guard the Garden

Where would you go to meet Jesus in the most holy of moments in his earthly life and ministry? Take your pick. Birth? Baptism? Sermon on the Mount? Lazarus rising?

There is a moment in the Christ story more holy than any other. And not one of his disciples was there. While our experience is certainly not equal to his, let's look at how it can resonate deeply.

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Remaining Darkness

I came across an article at Desiring God called, “The Shadow We Cannot Shake: What to Do When Darkness Remains.” My soul was disquieted by it - when reading articles like that, the "encouragement" there can have the opposite effect. That is, they add to our shame.

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Revival

You may have heard the news - there's revival happening in Kentucky. At a college chapel service, one thing led to another, and now hundreds of people are descending to catch a glimpse of this new work of the Holy Spirit.

I told myself I shouldn't publish this one. But we can make assumptions about what the mature Christian looks like - what they're composed of internally, how they respond to events like this.

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De(Re?)construction

You won't hear it in church very often. It probably won't be obvious if you look around you. Most likely, though, someone around you is in the process of internally tearing apart tenets and building blocks of their faith.

It's not so interesting that many have found reasons compelling enough (to them) to set aside the faith. No - what's interesting is how the church responds.

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I Was

When we talk about our testimonies or why someone ought to come to Jesus, let's be clear about what the expectations are. Coming to Jesus does not mean all our problems are solved. It does not mean anxiety should be resolved, depression changed to joy, addiction replaced with agency.

What's the "before" and "after" in your life? Is your experience normal?

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