As they are growing up, children often find themselves split into two groups: those who get picked first, and those who don't. When it's time for that really important kickball game, or the prominent tea party, kids get that experience first-hand. Someone is doing the picking, and that someone is frequently focused on who is strongest and fastest in sports, or most prim and proper for the tea party.

Or, someone is just looking to be with the popular kids.

As much as we attempt to train our children to include, to compassionately consider how other kids are feeling, we still get to pick up the pieces when our kids are left out. Or we can be disappointed when our kids are excluding others.

But we have that experience deep within our memories. Our interactions at such a formative age helped build our concept of how we relate with others. Were we able to trust that other people saw value in us and wanted to share our space? Or did we learn, instead, that we shouldn't bother others and that important people have important things to do?

I suspect that for most of us, we could name people that satisfied both sides of that coin. But I am certain that it's one side or the other that really resonates in our souls. We either have that foundation of trusting relationship, or we get stuck feeling less-than.

A lot of people are attracted to the church because of the message, Christianity is a relationship instead of a religion. And if that just works out-of-the-box for you, I'm glad - but vast numbers of God's children are wandering through a fog of feeling less-than. We can get stuck functioning as though God really wants the popular kids. The rest of us, he finds tolerable.

In this series, we've been progressively considering how relationship with God can be healed, when our relational hardware is broken. Not so much broken in a sinful way - that would make this a moral problem, like we're doing something we have to stop. No - this is damage, this is weakness. This needs to be healed, and it is ok for us to seek that healing.

Our question to consider this time can feel jarring:

How am I being continuously, relentlessly pursued by the Trinity?

My first response could be, "I'm pretty sure I'm not." And given the way that I experience relationship, that may seem absolutely true. I can start pointing at the things I'd consider objective, in order to make that case.

First, I could point at how a lot of Christians talk about God's peace pouring over their souls, especially in times of prayer. Then, I can counter that for me, dedicated, extended times of prayer have resulted in intense anxiety, approaching the level of a panic attack.

Second, I can highlight how many Christians relate the way that God speaks to them regularly. In humility, I'd like to allow their testimony at face-value. Just because it doesn't match my experience, doesn't mean it's not happening.

And that leaves the conclusion that for some reason, God is just not doing that for or in me. And if my relational hardware has been damaged, such that I more naturally feel less-than, it's not hard to imagine how my mind can put those pieces together.

So I can be susceptible to that concept of worm theology. And I can highlight certain pieces of who God is, too, without painting a complete picture of who he really is. After all, God's transcendence, holiness, power, and absolute justice pose no threat to my lowered sense of self.

His compassion, mercy, grace, though - they definitely pose a threat to my self-reliance. If I learned in formative years that because others weren't picking me, I needed to pick myself, vulnerability is not allowed. But these qualities of God - his immanence - reach around that shield in ways that can feel unsettling.

The Bible paints that picture vividly. The pursuit of the Savior doesn't end with living, dying, and rising again. He continues to pray for each of us, and he is no longer subject to the limitations of his earthly body as he was during his ministry. And in Hebrews, it is clear, he is not ashamed to call me his brother. This isn't the picture of someone who barely tolerates me. It's the "love of Christ that surpasses knowledge" (Ephesians 3).

Look, the main objection on this approach is admittedly going to be something like, "Salvation is about God's glory, not you. Don't make it all about you." Fair point, but it's not entirely devoid of us either. We can make ourselves think we're just more spiritual for realizing that God doesn't need us.

And he doesn't. That's biblical. But you know what else is biblical? He chose us and desires to relate with us, to the point of recreating us in a higher reality, outside of this damaged creation. His purpose has always been to have humanity rule over creation - with Jesus, as a man, serving as the primary example.

Our orthodoxy is measured according to the complete pattern given to us in scripture. We are not more faithful for promoting one attribute of God over and against another. In his being, all of his attributes are in perfect harmony as the members of the trinity relate with one another.

So we are indeed welcome - invited, even. We may not feel welcome. But even that feeling is welcome at the throne of Christ.

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