Where do we get the feeling that we're worth something? That's a question we should never have to ask, isn't it - certainly one that we hope and pray our children never have to ask. Because if we ask it, that's usually because we've felt something break inside, we've begun to turn on ourselves a little bit.

Some of us feel worth from being a force for good in society around us. Others from being above average at work. Still others, having a peaceful home and family relationships satisfies that need to feel worth.

But when it breaks down, and we start to question it - once lost, that feeling can be so difficult to regain. No one is immune to losing it. Normal life proceeds down paths we never imagined we would travel, and some of those paths can sweep us away from the things that make us feel worth.

In the church, we get tempted to tell people to just find their worth in Christ. We would do that, because Jesus is very worthy, and as he shares his life-giving redemption with us, we also gain some of that worth, through him. But that's a rather abstract notion of reality in this life - one that may resolve these feelings for a few, but for many it will not.

The concrete reality is that yes, the children of God have the Holy Spirit, but the Spirit does not always see fit to make us feel a certain way. Holding to great truths of faith is good, but emotions do not necessarily respond in kind. We should not ascribe to that kind of name-it-and-claim-it spirituality, because it can and will let us down.

And, if we prescribe Christ to someone and it doesn't fix their issue, where do we go from there? We've already offered what's supposed to be the greatest solution! Actually, that move can be very counterproductive, because the suffering soul will feel even more worthless, having failed to be healed by the greatest healer.

So what should we do when the feelings of worthlessness tear at our souls? Well, that's going to be different for different people. These sorts of persistent emotions are signals, that is, they tell us something is out of whack in our lives. So the worst thing to do is to try to "just stop it" - we want to know what the signal is pointing to.

For some of us, it can be a medical issue to be sorted out as best we can with doctors. Sometimes we can trace the signal to someone close to us, who is telling us we're worthless, and we need to set a boundary. And other times, for some of us, we can try to follow the signal, but it's just really hard to see where it goes.

For many of us, that's life in the fog - we get these kinds of feelings but struggle to determine what they mean. Or, we can see where the signal leads, but resolution is difficult or impossible. And that's tough, because then the emotions start to feel like they define us, and we start forming neural pathways that match those feelings and trench them into our minds.

When we get that deep, then we need to practice some coping mechanisms. Many people suffer from chronic pain, and medication does not always solve the problem. The next step for the doctors is called "pain management." Which often means the pain is still there - but we've learned some ways to cope with it. That can happen with these negative feelings as well.

One method that can help to practice is giving context to the feeling. In other words, we're not fighting it so much as we're putting some more information around it. Instead of having the internal war of the emotions feeling one way while the intellect and will try to argue unto exhaustion, we stop the battle and speak around it.

If I'm feeling worthless, then, I need to give myself permission to acknowledge that feeling, but then give it some further meaning. "I'm feeling particularly worthless right now, which hurts. But I'm feeling that way because something specific in me is broken, which makes me feel that way. It's normal to be broken - everyone is."

What we're trying to do is remove the power of the emotion to define us. If it's deeply entrenched in our neural networks in our brains, that can be difficult, but we need to speak around the emotion, contextualize it, and introduce some new messages there. It can help to work through it with a counselor. And we should hang around people who reinforce the new messages too.

After all, we're worth it.

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