The God of heaven and earth has moved heaven and earth to relate with us. He didn't stop with creating, just leaving us to our own purposes. No, he interacted intimately with his fallen, rebellious creation, moving heaven and earth again to conquer death and restore relationship.

But how do we relate with such a God? That's what we've been exploring in the last few posts. And for many of us, we're doing it wrong. For one reason or another, we've gotten stuck with some assumptions of how we will or ought to relate with God.

We looked at how, in ancient times, God was generally unapproachable. That is, a person could connect with him by faith, be accepted by God, and be God's follower. But God wasn't speaking directly to a whole lot of people. And when the nation of Israel was established with the law, in the Promised Land, strict rules were in place for who was allowed in the most intimate spaces with God. We can get stuck assuming that God is still inaccessible.

Then we examined how God was born as a human being. Jesus provided an intimate physical presence God to those around him, for sure. But for those who were further away, even if they heard from afar and believed in Jesus, his physical presence wasn't providing an immediate relationship. Jesus subjected himself to limits in his humanity, and we can get stuck functioning like God is still under those limits.

Finally, with the advent of the Holy Spirit, we gaped at the immense power at work in the early church. And we can get stuck assuming that the zeal, energy, and raw power that was active then should always be so. When we do, we can begin to drum up counterfeit energy that is not directly connected to the Spirit, leaving us in a state of confusion when the high doesn't last.

To be sure, our view of God strongly defines how we approach him. If we see him as inaccessible, we probably won't try. If my view of God is that he is willing to be intimate with those people over there, but I'm just too far away, I may still hold on to hope in Jesus for my salvation. But I'm probably pairing that with a feeling of being less-than, a second-class Christian.

In those last few posts, we approached these potential traps from a (more or less) purely spiritual perspective. Now it's time to dig a little bit deeper. Each trap had assumptions we make, but why?

We could continue with the assumptions and say it really is just a spiritual issue. While that would greatly simplify what we're looking at, it's not really fair to ourselves, is it?

When we find these kinds of issues within ourselves, it certainly could be a spiritual issue. If that's the case, we are supposed to repent and move on, replacing those assumptions with a more complete picture of who God really is. Often, though, I think something more is going on.

When we attempt to relate with someone, we bring so much of ourselves to the table. Even before we get to know each other very well, the fact is, everything I am and everywhere I've been plays some part in how I function in that relating process.

And that doesn't just include my perspective of the person I'm trying to relate with. I'm also bringing a certain perspective of myself - what I see when I look in the mirror, my visceral reaction when I think about myself, and the words I've heard reflect me in the past.

We often have a choice of who we relate with, and we presume God does the same. We see who God is, and we greatly desire to be connected with him. But we can look at ourselves and think, why in the world would he want to relate with me? Maybe he'll save me, but he doesn't want to spend time with me.

Those neural pathways of self-perspective run extremely deep - they are well practiced. We let them drive how we function in relationships - and that's often the same, whether relating with other people or with God himself.

In other words, if my psyche is stuck in the mode that I am verifiably less-than, that God's desire for efficiency precludes any notion of deep relationship with me - well, I will see much around me that I feel corroborates that path.

I've known a number of very devout believers who got stuck in what we call "worm theology." Far beyond godly fear or humility, this mindset was more of a settled self-hatred. While this is more extreme than the sticking points we've been looking at, it demonstrates the spectrum on which we can find ourselves.

We desire to move away from this "worm" end of the continuum, approaching a healthier and more fulfilling mode of relationship. In the western world in particular, we like to believe in the process of self-actualization - that is, if I need to be a better self, I must simply try harder and find a way to make that happen. That Bible doesn't share that enthusiasm, though. Not even for believers.

So depending on how deeply we have developed these neural pathways that drive our assumptions about God and self, we may not have the ability to switch it off. Even though we greatly desire something better, and even though we have new creation life in the Spirit, we may not in fact be able to make this better without some outside input.

To heal from some of these entrenched patterns, we often will need trusted friends and counselors who will help us challenge those thoughts. But we will need to learn to trust their affirmations.

Some of us are border-line allergic to hearing good things about ourselves in spiritual terms. We might revel in how good we are at our jobs, appreciate what we bring to our families, and plan toward growing our strengths in the future. But when someone tells us we're humble, or that they can see God using us - that sets our teeth on edge.

If that's the case, we may have trained ourselves so completely to think that our fallen, fleshly self is the only active part of us, that we blind ourselves to the new creation. With blinders on, we focus so much on the negative of how we're still tempted, how we still fall to that temptation, and how we shouldn't give ourselves any benefit of the doubt.

But to put it simply, that's wrong. If we are in Christ, we are a new creation. And that's where Jesus puts the emphasis. The old is passing away - don't pay it so much heed. Focus on the new creation, which is alive and growing. Feed it. Affirm it. Live it.

To be sure, we should be aware of how sin still drives us. Sin is still our most serious pathology, after all. But it's not the final answer. The new creation is preparing for eternal life.

The ability question can still be a tough one. The process of moving to an affirmation-based view of yourself can take time, practice, and a great deal of externally-sourced affirmation. Be patient. You are worth it.

Looking forward to next time, I leave you another question:

How will I embrace the truth of new creation and let it shape how I relate with God?

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• Photo by 愚木混株 cdd20 on Unsplash