"Make God in our image?" you say, incredulous to even consider it. I mean, seriously, our conception of God has no bearing whatsoever on the reality of who he is. But to think about God, we need to have a mental representation of him. And to relate with God, we need much more than that.

Every single one of us has a brain. Well, some would argue the the point in my case, but I digress... The point is, we have a brain that is a massive construct of neural networks. Through these neural networks, which are interconnected and connected to our senses, we interact with the world around us. Everything we do in life is connected in some way to the brain.

This includes spiritual activities. The brain doesn't check out just because there is a spiritual dimension to what we're doing. When we pray, we're using our brains. When we read our Bibles, we are using our brains. When we hear God's voice, something is happening in our brains. When we feel God's presence, again, brains.

And how does our brain get wired up to represent God in our minds? Well, all throughout life, we are learning what personhood and relationship look like, and that affects the connections in our brains. We're also reading about God in the Bible and hearing about God in Christian teaching. Put it all together, and we get a neural network in our brains that makes an image of God.

This is important - when we're subconsciously putting this God-image together in our brains, we don't magically filter bad information out and only have the good. So we're left with skewed representations by default, and it takes work over time to bring those closer to reality, if we can.

On the plus side, that's one good reason to keep reminding yourself of what we know to be true about God: his attributes, his virtues, and his history of interaction with humanity. Of course, we won't understand everything. But if we stay close to the source of truth and expose our minds to it regularly, bits and pieces of that will be absorbed by our minds, as though by osmosis.

Now let's talk. In the fog, our God-images are broken in ways that discourage us from such discipline. For some of us, our brain-God is waiting to pounce on us when we screw up. For some, our God-image is distinctly silent. The neural networks in our brains are partly formed by our relational experiences, life experience, and our natural proclivities. So these follow us into our attempts at relationship with God.

Sometimes it feels like God is completely inaccessible, and any attempt to reach him will only prove the failure we feel like we are. Or, we may feel an almost inexplicable guilt when we read our Bibles in an attempt to better understand who God is.

It's like our brain's image of God is a window between us and the real God, and it's dirty, smudged, painted over, and stuck closed. We might have some awareness that God isn't really that way. But it's the way we know how to relate in general, and especially with him, so we keep following the same broken patterns and getting the same results.

If you've never experienced these feelings, or haven't felt them intensely, you may be tempted to dismiss it. After all, you may say, the disciplines of scripture reading and prayer are simple, and anyone should be able to benefit from them. For souls journeying in the fog, though, the God-image in the brain plays a huge part in spirituality. On good days, we may have the agency to take small steps toward a healthier representation. But that's the good days - bad days are another story, and it can feel like we lose more ground than we gained.

Whatever kind of day you're having, give yourself permission to be honest about it. We're not impressing God with our stoic silence. It may often feel like he's not listening, but tell him that - he is a God who hears prayer. Tell him about the guilt and anxiety dredged up by the "basic" spiritual activities. It may not make the feelings go away, but we'll be shifting one foundation of our God-image to replace hiding with honesty - and that's a start toward rewiring the whole thing.

Reference:

"God, the Father watches us all everywhere." by angelofsweetbitter2009 is licensed under CC BY 2.0